The Art of Facing our Reality.  Dare to look at your reality and have the courage to live!

Sometimes we don’t want to look at our reality, as we may try to avoid it or escape it, consciously or not consciously…  Nevertheless, reality has a funny way of catching up with us.  While we pretend not seeing what is going on, reality is still happening to us… depriving ourselves of the opportunity to actively creating our own life.  We all avoid facing our reality from time to time.  However, for some it becomes a way of living, eventually cheating oneself from living life fully, with real joy, happiness, connections…

How do you know you are avoiding your reality?  Here’s a clue…  Have you caught yourself constantly pretending that “everything is ok” when deep inside you know…  the truth.  Or are you tired of trying so hard to put on a happy face and to be positive?  While being happy and positive is highly desirable, it can also be a defense.  Being happy and positive works when our life reflects our internal reality…  Pretending to be happy and trying to hard to be positive can be a defensive against facing reality.  Being happy and positive from the right place is very different then using it as a defense.  If you find yourself being more frustrated, moody, irritable, angry, resentful, tired, disconnected, not efficient…despite your efforts to be happy and positive, it may be a sign you are using ‘being happy and positive’ as a defense.

No matter how hard you try to avoid your reality,  eventually you will trip over your reality or it will keep you stuck…  until you will decide to let go of this unhealthy defense keeping you apparently happy and not genuinely happy.  And if you fall apart, remember it is OK to fall apart!  Falling apart it is your opportunity to face your reality and to make the transformation from ‘happy and positive as a defense’ to real happiness.  As your life reflects more of who you are, you won’t have to work so hard to be happy… Since real joy comes from inside out…

When you are ready to face reality, remember there is an Art of Facing Reality, as you want to create more beauty in you life and not overwhelm yourself…  And when I say art, it means…  Yes indeed, creating our reality it is a special form of art.  As each one of us gets to create one’s reality, each life becomes a unique piece of art. The Art of Facing Reality, is being actively engaged in creating that reality while savoring life.

And this is how you can start…  First take a peek to your reality.  Give yourself some time to be with what you see, without trying to analyze it…  Just be with.  Give yourself permission to pause and be…  And when you are ready to take on another peek, do so…  It make take a few peeks before you can actually really look…

When you can look at your reality, you can start actively creating your life.  Is it anything you cannot change, no matter what you do?  Maybe you can accept what you cannot change as an active participation,  by choosing how to be with what you cannot change – as opposed to something that is controlling you.  Is there anything that you can change but you choose to let it be?  That is OK, as long as you actively make the choice to let it be – knowing why you make that choice and how it impacts your life.  And finally, what is it that you really want to put your energy into actively changing?  The change that you can make and that can start shifting your life into a new direction.

In this way, you are transitioning from avoiding your reality to creating your reality.  You are engaged with your reality, actively participating in your life.  And while you do so, don’t forget to just be and savor life’s pleasures.  There is always beauty to connect with, even in the middle of our most challenging times.  As you are creating your reality, in your own terms that work for you, stop and smell the roses, dance, read, connect…  Feed your heart and mind with the beauty that is presented to you effortlessly…because in every moment of our life there is beauty.

If you get stuck, overwhelmed, or paralyzed don’t forget there is help…  As some of the things that we avoid may be so deep in our unconscious that it may require professional help to bring some light…

The choice is yours…


I am Mihaela Ivan Holtz, Doctor in Clinical Psychology working with creatives and performers.  I help creatives and performers with their life struggles, depression, anxiety, performance anxiety, creativity, relationships and love, PTSD, and addictions. And, to become their own best version.

Mihaela Ivan Holtz, Psy.D. LMFT
9300 Wilshire Blvd, # 520
Beverly Hills, CA 90212

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