What is anger? A source of damage and destruction? Or possibly a source of beauty, connection, and creation? Actually, anger is both! A source of life and destruction at the same time, just like fire and water. Fire can keep us alive, warm, and cozy or fire can destroy us when out of control. Water is the essence of life, as part of us is made of water and we cannot survive without water. Water can be a soothing river…or an ominous destructive storm. We cannot imagine our lives without water or fire….Yet, we are afraid of…
Same with anger… we cannot exist without anger. Despite its destructive nature, anger is also a source of life. As with fire and water, anger can take us into creating life or into destruction. Anger can keep us alive, can make us feel more connected, can inspire us into action, or into making changes. At the same time anger can destroy our connections, can paralyze us, and can turn us into masters of destruction… Nevertheless, the beautiful side of the anger is a reality as much as its dark side…
Unfortunately, many times anger becomes an evil force, uncomfortable to be with or to feel its presence. So many of us have been in the face of anger as a destructive force, that it is hard to imagine there is beauty in anger. Have you ever felt anyone’s anger filling up a whole space? Or anyone’s anger exploding out of nowhere? Or coming slowly like a dark cloud taking over…? Or maybe the silent treatment, leaving you disconnected? And worst, afraid of being hurt by someone’s anger? These are just a few flavors of the dark side of anger… And I am sure that many of us have had times of being impacted by someone’s dark side of anger … Or maybe when you have impacted someone with your dark side of anger… As we all have our moments… Anger that is out of control is a destructive force.
At the same time, many of us have experienced the beautiful side of anger. Those moments of being humanly vulnerable and embracing anger. Those moments of knowing anger is ok because it’s safe. Because anger signals that someone is being hurt. Or maybe because it is a time of renegotiating boundaries and repairing connections… Times of connecting through our most challenging feelings. And it is through these moments that our humanity becomes alive so we can connect at the most authentic level… Anyone familiar with this experience? This is what happens when we feel seen, understood, and safe through feelings that challenge us.
Being angry is a human experience we all have. And, to be able to the whole with our anger, the place where the dark side and the beautiful side can coexist as a whole, we have to be able to be seen, acknowledged, and allowed to be vulnerable and authentic with our anger. It is through this emotional space that we are able to hold on to our dark side of anger, while the beautiful side of anger is expressed. Thus we create connections and beauty in the world… as opposed to destruction.
So, for those of you who lost touch with the beautiful side of anger, please know that there is a journey of healing that can take you into becoming whole with your anger – the place where you can be authentic, vulnerable, connect, and create through your anger.
Any thoughts about your anger?
I am Mihaela Ivan Holtz, Doctor in Clinical Psychology working with creatives and performers. I help creatives and performers with their life struggles, depression, anxiety, performance anxiety, creativity, relationships and love, PTSD, and addictions. And, to become their own best version.
9300 Wilshire Blvd, # 520
Beverly Hills, CA 90212