As an adult, you may struggle to be your true self if you didn’t grow up in an emotionally attuned environment. You may find it difficult to create and maintain genuine connection to yourself and others. Your career and your personal accomplishments, as well as your aspirations and dreams, can all be hindered by unattuned childhood relational experiences.

What does it mean to grow up in an emotionally attuned environment?

In an emotionally attuned environment, adults were there to help you navigate with you the complexities of life – including its beauty, imperfections, limitations, and challenges.They showed up for you emotionally with some consistency.

Emotional attunement makes it possible to feel:

  • That your emotions are important and respected
  • You’re safe, seen, and truly understood
  • That fears and discomfort are soothed and comforted
  • Your sense of wonder and curiosity recognized and encouraged
  • A  sense of trust, playfulness, deep intimacy
  • That your true self is cherished and valued
  • The freedom to discover your own talents, skills, goals, or dreams
  • Supported in your endeavorsSilhouette of father and son playing on the beach at the sunset time - People having fun on summer vacation with their dog - Love, fatherhood and family concept

An emotionally attuned environment is a relational space where people are sensitive and responsive to each other. 

How to recognize a healthy, emotionally attuned and supportive relationship:

  • It brings forth a connection based in mutual understanding, acknowledgment,   validation of feelings, and empathy.
  • It creates emotional intimacy and a sense of well-being.
  • It fosters emotional intelligence, healthy relationships, and a sense of security in yourself and the world.

This emotionally attuned environment doesn’t have to be perfect or all the time. It just has to be consistent enough.

With every attuned moment through your formative years (and beyond), you are  immersed in a sense of feeling at home with yourself. This sense of “I belong and feel at home with myself”  becomes a part of you. And, you take that feeling with you to create your life: your relationships, your career, or vocational endeavors.

Humanity is messy and no one can be attuned to anyone perfectly at all times. In fact, that special attuned connection with others comes and goes, like waves on the shore.

As you learn to accept and normalize the way that connections to others will ebb and flow, you learn to become more attuned to yourself. You’re impacted by others and  others are impacted by you. Together you create a shared reality.  At the same time, you can take space to reconnect to yourself and continue to discover and evolve who you are: emotionally, creatively, intellectually.

And, then, you can bring that more evolved version of yourself into a relationship with others, so that they are impacted in a more meaningful way by your presence. And, the cycle continues…

This is the cycle of connection – the cycle of co-creating your individual and collective stories. We all become “something more” through our reciprocal relationships. We are all continually transformed by each other. 

The connection between self and others becomes its own dimension that stands its own. Just like a song, a dance, a movie, or a painting… The individual instruments, dancers, or characters bring together their unique individuality to co-create a song, dance, or a story. Something bigger, more beautiful, and more powerful than we can create on our own. We become more ourselves through the connection with other people.

Behind the scene. Director of the play rehearses the play with the actors according to the script

This cycle of connection is possible when you have “good enough” emotional environment as a child.

The emotional soothing, motivation, inspiration, trust that you’ve been responded to simply becomes part of who you are. You can provide these emotional functions to yourself and others. You can be receptive to others when they approach you with such resonating emotional states, too.

And, when there is a break or rupture in the attunement you know that that can be repaired. You understand that it’s possible to become re-attuned.

When things get difficult – and life throws at us difficult moments – you can tolerate  moments of frustration and access the emotional attunement that you absorbed in your earliest years.

In fact, a certain level of frustration is good for you. These opportunities to struggle with yourself give you a chance to find new ways to uncover and put together your own life pieces.

But, if you didn’t have enough of this attuned emotional environment as a child, this sort of ease and growth can seem out of reach.

Young African American woman is standing on the promenade at the lake, looking thoughtfully towards the water and the setting sun. The girl in a vest is in a thoughtful mood

What can you do to heal old attunement wounds?

Psychotherapy that is grounded in Attachment EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can take you on a transformative journey toward healing and re-attuning yourself.

Attachment EMDR gets into the intricate web of attachment patterns that shaped your relationships and self-perception. It offers you opportunities to develop a deep understanding and shifting of your early experiences, particularly relationships, which shaped you.

Whether you’ve faced trauma, neglect, or challenging relationship dynamics, early experiences can leave lasting imprints on your minds and influence how you relate to yourself  and others. A relational based approach to EMDR takes you back to revisit some of the old places where you may have got trapped and stuck. It enables you to process unresolved emotions and memories associated with attachment wounds.

Through Attachment EMDR, you invite a gradual unfolding of your internal landscape, which allows you to metabolize emotions, beliefs, and patterns that may have been buried beneath the surface.

You release unprocessed distressful experiences that linger in your mind-body, everything that you are being impacted by.

As you progress you’ll find yourself experiencing a profound shift in your relationship with both past and present, yourself and others, paving your way for increased self-awareness and personal growth. When you reconnect with yourself at a deep, intrinsic level you’ll find you’re able to shift to new, adaptive narratives that empower you.

Famous American Entertainer Stands on Stage, Greets Audience, Starts Performance. Presentation Speaker Giving Talk.

Attachment EMDR does not only address past wounds, but it also helps you cultivate a secure internal base from which to look forward and navigate your future. It allows you to dream and imagine your future. Rooted in an authentic vision for yourself, you can reach outward to co-create that with the world.

In my work with clients, we often discover underneath whatever issue brings them to therapy, there is a longing for more attuned connections to themselves and others. As we get at the root of unresolved early relational wounds and start weaving in Attachment EMDR, therapy becomes a powerful vehicle for healing.

It’s really amazing to witness how someone lets go of layers and layers of unhealthy feelings, beliefs, and body states that kept them looped in a small, rigid, and unfulfilling story. And as they shed these old parts, they re-establish their emotional freedom. Their connection with their true self starts creating more fulfilling stories.

I offer psychodynamic therapy, EMDR therapy (EMDR certified), psychoanalytic therapy (certified), combined with CBT, and grounded in the neuroscience of psychotherapy and relationships in order to help people discover how to live fully in the present and create more fulfilling, successful lives. 

In particular I have an expertise working with creatives, performers, and artists of all kinds – writers,  actors, fine artists, musicians, producers, directors, fashion designers, and creative entrepreneurs. My office is in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles. I provide in-person and online psychotherapy to people across California.

If you are interested in EMDR therapy, please contact me for your free 15 minute consultation to see if this therapy is appropriate for you.

 

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