We often hear stories of individuals who have created remarkable lives despite all odds. People who live with purpose and meaning. They are truly fulfilled and their accomplishments are aligned with their true self.

Though we’re often fascinated by what such people do, there’s an even more important question: how do they do it?  What kind of emotional fuel propels these individuals towards their dreams? In this blog, we’ll explore what it means to be motivated by “dirty” emotional fuel versus “clean” emotional fuel. The difference between the two makes a tremendous difference on the journey to accomplishing your goals or dreams.

What is dirty emotional fuel?

Dirty emotional fuel comes from unresolved emotional conflicts, blocks, or traumatic memories. It springs from unhealed fears, distressing life experiences, jealousy, toxic competitions, insecurities, or feeling “less than.” It’s the aftermath of unhealthy relationship dynamics and interactions from childhood.

It is a natural response to others’ doubts about your abilities or attempts to control you. If you grew up feeling dominated or criticized with constant messages “you’re not doing it right,” “you won’t succeed,” or “you’re not working hard enough,” you may still be hearing those voices in your mind. Their lack of compassion for your humanity, or not being able to see you, hear you, and support you in your journey for self-discovery may still leave its mark.

Maybe you (consciously or unconsciously) want to prove someone wrong. Some might even say: “success is the best revenge.”

Dirty fuel is a short-term boost. 

Dirty fuel is quick and easily accessible. Just like instant gratification, using shortcuts, or compromising yourself for immediate gains, it gives you an initial spark of energy.

While it may provide a temporary momentum, such fuel is often unsustainable in the long run. It can also feel like you’re chasing your dreams, desperately trying to “make it happen.” Or, it can make you feel insecure in your abilities because you’re unable to trust that you can apply yourself and develop your talents and skills.

Ultimately, this kind of motivation can leave you tired and feeling unfulfilled.

Yes, there are consequences to using dirty fuel.

1. Short-lived success: Relying on dirty fuel might lead to accomplishments, but they’re rarely sustainable. Without a strong foundation of hard work and without being grounded in authenticity, success might crumble as challenges mount.

2. Emotional integrity is compromised: Trying to go the easy route and conceding your values to achieve success can lead to more internal conflict, like shame, insecurities, and guilt. This can erode your self-esteem and tarnish your reputation in the long run.

3. Burnout: Like a candle burning too brightly, you might find yourself exhausted and unmotivated after the initial burst of energy fades.

Like an engine running on low-quality fuel, your personal and professional progress may stall. You might find yourself dealing with the consequences of your choices. You feel worn out, and like you can’t do it anymore. You may even say things like, “I’m not meant to live a good life.”

This isn’t good for your mental health long-term.

Fuel yourself with unresolved emotional conflicts long enough and you may find yourself on a path where you don’t belong. You may develop skills that are not aligned with your true self or innate abilities.

Success that is not aligned with your authentic self is not fulfilling. You may have a quick happy moment during an achievement, but it doesn’t fill you emotionally. Soon enough, you’ll be chasing the next set of unaligned dreams.

What is emotional clean fuel?

Clean fuel is a sustainable source of emotional energy that keeps you connected to yourself, to your passions, and to a sense of wonder and curiosity. You don’t need to generate it; it emerges when you engage with your true self. It is a healthy, pure energy that nourishes your ambitions from the inside out over the long haul.

Some of the most fascinating stories of accomplishments involve people who harness their own authentic inspiration, inner strength, determination, curiosity, and passion. They build momentum by deepening qualities like determination, perseverance,  patience, and integrity.

Just like a high-performance engine, relying on clean fuel and good maintenance means prioritizing hard work, discipline, and making choices that align with your values. While progress might seem slower initially, the steady and consistent supply of clean fuel will keep you moving forward, maintaining your momentum and preventing burnout.

There are benefits to being driven by clean fuel

1. It builds resilience: When faced with obstacles, you’re more likely to persist and find creative solutions rather than give up.

2. Long-term growth: It supports gradual and sustainable progress. You’ll develop skills and expertise that serve as the foundation for lasting success.

3. Authenticity: Staying true to your values and principles enhances your authenticity. People are drawn to individuals who stand strong in their integrity, which can lead to more meaningful connections and opportunities.

4. Personal Growth: The journey fueled by clean energy opens opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery. You’ll learn from challenges and setbacks, becoming stronger with each experience.

Cleans emotional fuel builds your true talents and skills, that are aligned with who you are and what you’re meant to do. It takes you on your true path of discovery and enables you to express your life energy. You feel filled and sustained emotionally by your accomplishments. They feed you–emotionally, creatively, and intellectually from the inside out. Life feels more fulfilling, meaningful, and rewarding.

To summarize…

In your pursuit of your dreams or goals, it’s crucial to be able to access clean emotional fuel that drives you. While dirty fuel might be readily available to access and provide a tempting shortcut, the consequences can be high. Clean fuel might require more effort and time for you to do the emotional work, but the rewards are greater and more sustainable.

How do you shift from dirty emotional fuel to clean emotional fuel?

EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy) can help you heal emotional conflicts and treat trauma so you can start accessing healthier emotional inspiration toward building your dreams.

In fact, the best way to do this emotional work is while you’re invested to build your goals. As you navigate your path towards your goals, unhealed emotional conflicts and traumatic memories will certainly be awakened. As you step out of your comfort zone and build toward your goals, it’s inevitable that your past emotional conflicts will be triggered. This becomes your opportunity to face them, heal, and shift with a certified EMDR therapist!

How does EMDR therapy work to help you shift to clean emotional fuel? 

EMDR therapy, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a psychotherapy approach used to help individuals process emotional experiences that keep them stuck in repeating old and unhealthy ways of showing up in the world. Unhealed conflicts and complex trauma are triggered as you navigate your path to success. EMDR therapy can be used to help you let go of feelings, body emotional responses, and beliefs that are generating “dirty fuel.”

An EMDR therapist can help you use the present triggers to get to and heal the root of your challenges. As an EMDR  therapist myself, I can guide you through present triggers and then deep into memory where you can access and heal distressing, blocked, or repressed memories. Using bilateral stimulation, middle brain structures are activated for you to heal emotional conflicts, blocks, or traumatic memories.

This process of reprocessing the traumatic memory will allow you to make more adaptive connections and alleviate unhealthy emotions. EMDR aims to desensitize you to traumatic memories and promote the resolution of emotional conflicts by facilitating the brain’s natural healing processes so you can shift towards accessing clean, sustainable emotional fuel.

Start EMDR Therapy with Me

Accomplishing your dreams or goals is not just about reaching a destination; the journey is the body of your story. By embracing clean emotional fuel, you’re investing in personal development, meaningful connections, and a legacy built on authenticity. You can choose wisely and set yourself on a path that not only leads to achieving your dreams but also empowers you to become the best version of yourself along the way.

I offer psychodynamic in-person and online therapy, EMDR therapy (EMDR certified), psychoanalytic therapy (certified), combined with CBT, and grounded in the neuroscience of psychotherapy and relationships in order to help people discover how to live fully in the present and create more fulfilling, successful lives. 

In particular, I have expertise working with creatives, performers, and artists of all kinds – writers, actors, fine artists, musicians, producers, directors, fashion designers, and creative entrepreneurs. My office is in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles. I provide in-person and online psychotherapy to people across California.

If you are interested in EMDR therapy, please contact me for your free 15-minute consultation to determine whether it is appropriate for you.